July 14 10

Do you know what happened 3 years ago today?  Do you know what you did July 14, 2007? I’ll never forget it.

I can’t believe it has been 3 years…In some ways, it feels as though it has been a lifetime since I’ve seen Andrew.  Then again, I can remember that day as if it was yesterday. 

Today marks 3 YEARS since Andrew went to Heaven.  1,095 days since I’ve seen my brother…hugged my best friend…laughed with him…told him secrets that I could only tell him. He understood me perfectly.  We, literally, could finish each other’s sentences.  It was special and I loved every minute of it. 

July 12, 2007, my parents and I were told that Andrew wasn’t going to make it through the day.  We had heard that before, but this time was different.  Not once did I imagine this outcome.  Despite everything, I was certain we’d leave the hospital with Andrew. Sure, he’d need some physical therapy to get back in shape, but he’d be on the soccer field in no time.  This time, I knew it was real. 

As our extended family started gathering outside the hospital room, it became even more real.  I hated the new reality that was starting to hit me.  All of the people outside his room in the PICU were there to say goodbye.  That is NOT how it was supposed to be…

We didn’t leave his side once that day.  How could we? People came and went and my parents and I took turns lying in the hospital bed with Andrew. 

It was starting to hit harder.  As background, I cried every time we dropped Andrew off at his overnight soccer camps, for which he was only gone one week.  How on Earth would I ever make it through more than 7 days without him?  I had no idea…I still don’t, really.

Around 1:50 pm, I was lying in the hospital bed hugging Andrew. I could not stop crying. I was trying to think of everything I needed to tell him.  Obviously, I told him I love him a million times.  I told him that all of his friends love him.  I told him how thankful I am to have been blessed with the perfect brother.  I told him how fortunate I was that he was more than a brother, but also a best friend to me.  I thanked him for showing me what it means to never give up.  I thanked him for touching so many people’s lives.  I told him that he will always be my very best friend.  I told him I’d take care of his dog, Casey – they loved each other like crazy. I told him that it was okay for him to go to Heaven, and that we’d keep his memory alive.  I asked him to watch over us and help us through each day.  I told him he’d never be forgotten.

At 1:55 pm, as I lay in the bed hugging him and trying to remember every single thing about him, Andrew went to Heaven.  I never could have imagined anything so painful.  Recalling the events leading up to that moment, literally, make me feel sick.  This never should have happened…

Not once did Andrew give up.  He fought so hard for the entire 167 days.  If you recall, I posted that day that:

Saturday, July 14, 2007 2:43 PM, EST

Our Hero is healed. Andrew's in Heaven watching over us.

Extremely Proud to Be,

"Andrew's Sister"

I firmly believe that Andrew is in Heaven watching over us.  I’m sure he has a full head of curly blonde hair and has been playing endless soccer and baseball games.  I know he was there to take care of Chloe Schultz when she joined him 2 days later.  By now, I’m sure he has met Savannah, Erin, Evan, Taylor, Alexa, Jack, Jeremy, Billy, Kaylyn, Arden, Julian, Christian, Jessica, Tyler and unfortunately, many more innocent children who had their lives cut short because of awful cancer.  I hate that there are so many kids in Heaven…that’s not how it’s supposed to be.   

Recently, I haven’t been talking of Andrew much, but that - by no means - is me trying to “get over” him.  I will NEVER “get over” the loss of my best friend.  Lately, the pain has been so heavy on my heart that thinking about him, let alone speaking about him, makes me lose control and cry non-stop.  No matter what, please continue talking to me about Andrew.  If you do and I cry, I promise you, it’s not your “fault” and you have no need to be sorry – it happens, I cry. 

I know great things have come after Andrew passed away.  But, I’m certain he would have continued to do great things here on Earth.  We could still have The B+ Foundation, do the events we do, fund research and help families.  I just don’t get it.

Nothing against my parents, but I HATE this new life. There aren’t supposed to only be 3 people in our house, or when we go to restaurants, or anywhere. We’re supposed to be four.

Andrew, I’m so sorry for ever letting you down. I’d do anything to go back in time & make everything perfect. You’ve gone through way too much. It’s unbelievable. You’re the best thing that’s ever & will ever happen to me. September 3, 1992 was the best day of my life. I’m so grateful for you.  Thank you for always being there for me & protecting me. I’m extremely proud of you, best friend, & I couldn’t ask for anything more. You mean the world to me.

SO Proud to Be,
"Andrew's Sister"