Mar 5 10
It’s been a little while since my last update. Sometimes, I just don’t feel like, or have the strength, to post. I’ve given three talks this week and, while part of me LOVES to talk about my Andrew, it’s pretty draining re-telling our story. It’s truly hard to believe the words that come out of my mouth when I re-count the events of the past 3 years. There are, literally, no words to describe how much I miss Andrew and no words to describe the pain that I see on Ali’s & Chris’ faces. But, unfortunately, I know we can’t change what has happened. I really hope everyone who reads this will live their lives a little differently because of “Andrew’s story”. I can’t, of course, promise that something like this will never happen to you, but I hope you’ll all make the most of each day and let those close to you know how much they mean to you. If people can learn from our journey, then there’s a little purpose there. One of the things that allows us to live is that we don’t have any regrets about Andrew. Andrew lived every day knowing how much we loved him and he wasn’t shy about showing that love back to us. We had an awesome 14 years. We have been blessed.
people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
I think one of the things that surprises me, pleasantly of course, is the impact that Andrew continues to have on people from Heaven. Andrew is continuing to help us grow, but we must be open to the message. People, especially youth, are constantly reminding us that Andrew still ‘lives’…and I can’t tell you how important that is to us.
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you
Andrew is so much more than just a ‘handprint on my heart’. I know that “I’m who I am today because I knew” Andrew. I am who I am today most significantly because of Andrew, Chris, and Ali. If you’ve never experienced the loss of a child, you may wonder ‘when are you going to get over it’? Fortunately, that question has not been asked of me; but I know other families who have heard that question. The simple answer is - YOU NEVER GET OVER IT! When someone is such a huge part of your life and your heart, the void is so great that it cannot be filled. That doesn’t mean that you don’t try to live anymore. But, honestly, there is not a 15 minute period when I don’t think of my son. I can’t describe how close Andrew and I are.
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
And because I knew you…
I have been changed for good.
There is NO doubt that Andrew has changed me for the better and FOR GOOD! Thank you, Andrew. I LOVE YOU!
Finally, last night I had the opportunity to speak to the new members of Ali’s sorority with the hope of encouraging their participation in the upcoming UDance. I knew that I might embarrass Ali, but I would have been terribly remiss if I did not acknowledge, in front of the sorority, how proud I am of my little girl. Ali has battled every day to survive in a world without her brother here. I know it's so hard for her. She talks to Chris and I daily, but I wouldn't want it any other way; we survive for each other. She reaches out to children with cancer and their siblings. She is on the Exec. Board of UDance and spent 5 hours ‘canning’ in the freezing cold on Main St the other day. And, she declared her major a few months ago. She wants to ultimately get her PhD so that she can counsel children going through grief, trauma, cancer, and similar situations. She wants to be for the kids what she wasn't able to find for herself -- someone who can relate. I am so incredibly proud of my daughter. That’s why I continue to say that I’m blessed. I’m living my worst nightmare, but Chris and I have been married for almost 27 years and we HAVE two wonderful children.
If you’re still reading, great job. To everyone else that fell asleep, sorry!
Thank you for your continued support of our family and our extended family of children fighting cancer all around the country!
MAKE it a great weekend.
God bless you.
Live Like Andrew — B+
Couldn’t be prouder to be - Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad
The closing song from “The Celebration of Andrew’s Life” (July 21, 2007)
“FOR GOOD” from Wicked
(Elphaba) I’m limited
Just look at me - I’m limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn’t do, Glinda
So now it’s up to you
For both of us - now it’s up to you…
(Glinda) I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba) It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
(Glinda) Because I knew you
(Both) I have been changed for good
(Elphaba) And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I’ve done you blame me for
(Glinda) But then, I guess we know
There’s blame to share
(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda) Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba) Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both) Who can say if I’ve been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
(Glinda) And because I knew you…
(Elphaba) Because I knew you…
(Both) Because I knew you…
I have been changed for good.
