Mon. July 4th
I’m sorry that I haven’t posted in about a week… Went down to the shore for a few days.
Upon my return tonight, I opened the mail. The first envelope was addressed to “Andrew J. McDonough”. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. It was a solicitation from a bank asking if Andrew needed a loan to pay for his upcoming Sophomore year in college. Oh, how I wish!!!
As you read this, you might be wondering “when does the hurt stop?” or “shouldn’t he be over this by now?” Hopefully, you have the good sense to never verbalize these thoughts…especially the latter question. Chris, Ali, and I were talking about this the other day. While we have come to accept that it is OK to laugh and smile, the hurt will NEVER leave. I will forever have a deep, underlying sadness. Families like ours will NEVER “get over it”. How could you “get over” your child dying at 14 years old? But, believe or not, people have asked families in our situation that very question.
I see families on the beach playing…playing the games we used to play…or clowning around in the water…or playing cards…or watching a baseball game together…or talking…hugging…
It makes me so sad.
I also get mad when I overhear people complaining about their problems. Granted, I have no idea what they are “carrying in their pack”, but I’m talking about hearing them bitch about the price of
something, the temperature, how slow their child is walking, etc.
There have been 1,450 empty days…days where Chris, Ali, and I haven’t been able to be blessed by Andrew’s physical presence. Knowing that he is in Heaven is comforting as a parent, but I miss my buddy SO much. We’ve consistently said we will always be a “family of four”…but, speaking for myself, the hole in my heart is so huge not having Andrew here.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? No, just very, very sad. There’s a big difference.
Hope my honesty isn’t too much for you.
Please try to make this a good week. You’ll make Andrew proud.
B+
Ali & Andrew’s Dad