Mon. July 9th
I used to really like July.
It was one of my favorite months. It’s my birthday month and my anniversary (today! Happy 29th Chris!!!) month. When I was a kid, I liked that there was no school, and as a parent, I LOVED that there was no school. I never really understood why parents would say that they were excited for their kids to go back to school come September. In the summer, I thought that there was a LOT less stress — no homework, less running around, cook-outs, swimming, and, most importantly, more quality time for us to have with Ali & Andrew. How does it get much better?
Now, I dread July and in particular, I dread this week! This Saturday will mark 5 years – 5 whole years – since my only son, my buddy, Andrew, went to Heaven! While the emotion may be less raw than it was in 2007, every one of the 1,825 days without Andrew here in our house is so tremendously difficult. Yes, we will always be a “Family of Four”, but we are not complete without Andrew physically here. While some days are more difficult than others, I feel like I bear the scars of 1,825 slice marks across my heart. And, I’m sure Chris and Ali feel the same.
Having said that, I do feel so blessed to be Chris’ husband and Ali & Andrew’s Dad. Someone asked me an interesting question not long after Andrew went to Heaven. They asked “If you knew then what you know now, would you still have wanted Andrew to be born?” Absolutely YES! Andrew’s life was short but wonderful (with the obvious exception of the last 6 months of it). Chris, Ali, and I are who we are, in part, because of Andrew. We are blessed to be his parents and sister!
I pray that I feel Andrew’s strength each and every day, but particularly this week. My son was stronger than I will ever be. My son had stronger faith than I have. I pray that I can be more like him. I pray that he might come to me in a dream this week. Unless you’ve lost a child, you can’t imagine the pain of missing them. I miss you and need you so badly, Andrew!!!
Ali & Andrew’s Dad
