A Message from Ali on the 5th Anniversary (7/14) of Losing Her Brother from this World
It’s hard to believe that it’s already July 13th. The 13th is my dad’s birthday, but it’s much more than that anymore.
In January 2007, when doctors told us Andrew wouldn’t live through the night, I had no doubt they were wrong. And, the three other times I’d be pulled from school and rushed to the hospital to find them doing chest compressions on him – while I was terrified, deep down I knew he’d make it through that.
July 13, 2007 was the first day I actually believed that my parents and I would be leaving the hospital without Andrew. July 13, 2007, I posted a desperate plea to all of you to pray for a miracle. In the post, I also wrote a message to Andrew thanking him for all he’s taught me, for being a great brother and an even better friend. I’m positive that Andrew waited until July 14th to go to Heaven, so that our dad’s birthday wouldn’t be associated with such a painful day.
July 14, 2007 I posted on CaringBridge that “Our Hero is healed. Andrew’s in Heaven watching over us.”
Now, 5 years later, it’s still surreal. It’s been 5 years since I’ve seen or hugged my brother. It seems like an eternity has gone by since that day, but then I remember it so vividly – like it was yesterday. I remember everything about Andrew from July 14, 2007…I was trying to take mental pictures and soak in as much of him as I could before he slipped away. But the funny thing is, I honestly have no idea how we got home from the hospital on July 14, 2007. I remember being in Andrew’s room in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and the next thing I remember is being home in the kitchen.
So often I’ll think of something or see something and immediately want to tell Andrew about it. I see things in stores that he’d like – I pick it up to buy it for Andrew, then it’s like getting hit by a truck with the brutal realization that he’s not here anymore. It makes no sense to me…I just want to be able to spoil my little brother.
I miss his soccer and baseball games so much. I truly looked forward to our weekends filled with his sports. They were so fun. The best were the away games where we’d get to just talk and hang out during the long car rides.
Andrew’s friends have been really great. He definitely found good friends. Yesterday, one of Andrew’s best friends – Marco – went out for lunch with my dad just to catch up. Wednesday, we’ll be going to the Philadelphia Union (Major League Soccer) game to see some of Andrew’s friends from his FC Delco soccer team. His friends check in with me, periodically, to let me know they still remember Andrew and to make sure I’m doing ok. It’s like they’re collectively playing the role of a brother to me, since that huge part of my life is missing. I literally don’t have words for how much that means to me. All of Andrew’s friends were a huge part of my family’s life when we were growing up – from school events, birthday parties, soccer and baseball games – I was so afraid for how that would change without Andrew here. I know that Andrew must be so appreciative of you taking the time to check in on my parents and me.
I’m sure it’s weird, now, for the families who knew us before Andrew’s diagnosis. He was the connection we had to them and now that it’s gone, it’s like there’s an elephant in the room. I miss the days when people didn’t stare at us with sympathy or worry about what to say to us. I know we’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again –there’s no “right” thing to say to us. You know, and we know, that Andrew’s gone…there’s no way we could’ve forgotten. Talk about him with us! That’s acknowledging his existence. Though much shorter than expected, he had a great life. Let’s remember it.
So, while tomorrow – July 14th, 2012…the official“5-years-without-Andrew” mark – will be difficult, for sure, I’m choosing to remember the great 14 years I had with my brother and celebrate his life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never experienced worse pain than my younger brother/my best friend passing away in my arms, but tomorrow, I’m going to live my day how he would’ve. If he were here, 5 years out from his time in the hospital, he would make it the best day ever.
For Andrew, please try to make it your best day. Wear a B+ shirt & share your picture with us at www.Facebook.com/TheAndrewMcDonoughBePositiveFoundation! Please take a minute to remember him and think of how he’s impacted your life.
I couldn’t be more proud to say I’m “Andrew’s Sister”.
~Ali